


Seeking

by dannihowell (iguessicantry)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Cancer, Domestic, F/F, Genderbending, fem!Phan, nannying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-30 21:36:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6441718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iguessicantry/pseuds/dannihowell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When college dropout Daniella applies to be a nanny, she meets Phil, an overworked almost-single mother of precocious twins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. September

“Seeking a full time nanny for five year old twins. Must speak fluent English. Applicants with previous experience in childcare or education preferred. The position is live-in with full benefits and two weeks paid vacation. You must be able to show proof of immigration/citizenship status for tax purposes. Please call…” Dan nearly squealed as she reread the post. The agency she had signed up for told her that their clients would come through and they did. Dan had only been in their database for 24 hours and already found the perfect position.

As she scrolled to the end of the email, Dan gasped. The last line read: Ask for Phillis Lester. That name was all over the parenting magazines, day-time talk shows, and even business journals. Phillis Lester was a force who started up her own company eco-friendly hygiene for children products after having her own. Dan had always been fascinated with the woman’s story and now, she might even be able to work for her. This was too good to be true.

Grabbing her phone from its charger, Dan called the number. “Hello, my name is Daniella Howell and I inquiring about the nanny position…”

—–

Phil Lester was everything Dan imagined her to be… and more. The woman never seemed to sit down for too long. Every time she tried to engage Dan in conversation, the phone would ring or someone would knock on her office door.

Dan had felt a bit intimidated by the penthouse she currently found herself in. It was certainly larger than her own home, which was saying something as both of her parents worked well-paying jobs and their home reflected it. While it was clear that the penthouse was meant for residential living, it did not feel like it. Everything was neutral and organized, outside of Phil’s office. The décor was carefully selected and not a trinket was out of place. Dan vaguely wondered if the children lived somewhere else. How could a home with two five year olds be this clean?

“What? No… Those shipments should already be on their way to LA by now! Fix it!”

Phillis put down her phone and gave Dan a smile. “Okay, now what can I do for you?”

Dan blinked. “I am here for an interview?”

“Which position, love? Lots going on here. Are you in marketing? Accounting?”

Dan shook her head. “I’m here for to be a nanny.”

“Nanny?” Phil said to herself like she didn’t remember. “Oh! The twins. Right. Their nanny quit and now they need a new one. That completely slipped my mind.” Phil gestured to her extremely messy desk. “As you can see, I’m a glutton for punishment when it comes to organization.”

“I completely understand. It’s a lot to run a company and raise a family.”

“You’re telling me!” Phil picked up the file her personal assistant had given her when Dan walked in. “Alright, Daniella?” Dan nodded and smiled. “Such a pretty name. It says here that you attended Williams Institute of Art.”

“Yes, I did.”

“But it doesn’t say that you graduated?”

“That’s because I didn’t. I dropped out.”

“May I ask why?”

“The professors and I did not see eye to eye. They felt that my designs show no growth or true promise.” Dan face flushed red with embarrassment. Truth is university and Dan never got along. First, her parents didn’t agree with her course of study. Then, her teachers told her she didn’t belong there despite being accepted. The whole experience left her soured against school for the time being, which is why she decided to take a full time positon. She loved children and thought being a nanny would be great.

The older woman made a face. “No matter. I’m not hiring you for my design team.”

Dan laughed uneasily.

“You babysit.”

“Yes, my little brother and some of the neighborhood children.”

“Have you ever been a live in nanny?”

“No.”

Phil sat up and fixed her black trimmed glasses. “What makes you think you can handle this, love? I’m asking you to be a mother when I can’t be there.”

“I love children,” Dan told her earnestly. “Yours certainly couldn’t be terrible. I can tell you don’t take shit from anyone.”

Phil struggled not laugh at Dan’s blushing face at her slip up. “My two are quite the challenge. They’re small, adorable, and they know it. They’ll take someone like you and eat you for breakfast, especially Athena. Daniella, I like you but nothing here convinces me that I can trust you to care for my children as well or better than I can.”

“Please, just hear me out–”

Dan’s plea was interrupted by screaming and shrieking. A pair of small children burst into office, screaming for their mother. Dan watched in amazement as Phil shouted at them and received no attention from either child.

Abby, Phil’s personal assistant, apologized profusely when she ran into the office.

“Abby, I’m in the middle of a meeting!” Phil told her. “Couldn’t you keep them entertained?”

“They ran away when I went to ask Mrs. Roberts for their snacks,” Abby explained. The children giggled. The girl was an obvious beauty, Dan noticed. Her eyes were a shocking blue, like the sea. Her face was cherubic with Cupid’s bow lips and a button nose. She had wispy dark brown hair that, even in a French braid, flew away in small strands. Her brother was her spitting image, though his hair was cut short and curled around his ears.

“Upstairs you two,” Phil ordered her children. They pouted and immediately protested.

“Who is she?” Ethan asked as Abby took his hand. She tried the same with Athena but the little girl pulled away rudely.

“I’m Dan,” Dan answered. “What’s your name?”

“Ethan,” he replied. “I’m five.”

“You are?” Dan said in faux amazement. He nodded. “I bet you were getting bored up there. You and your sister wanted to get out, huh?”

Athena chimed in then. “She was gonna make us watch that awful movie again!” There was outrage in her voice. “You wouldn’t make us would you?”

“No,” Dan told her. “I’d try to find something we all would like. Is that fair?”

The twins nodded in agreement. Abby sighed and rolled her eyes. Dan could tell that adults in this room had very little patience for children. She didn’t judge them however. Not everyone was meant to; just like how she wasn’t meant to be a doctor or lawyer, no matter how much her father wished.

“Daniella?” Phil said, getting her attention once more.

“Please, call me Dan.”

“Dan, how soon can you start?”

Dan stuttered to find her voice again.

“Please say today,” Abby begged. Athena and Ethan were both making circles around her, chanting ‘Drabby Abby, Drabby Abby.’

“I can start today,” Dan said with a triumphant smile. “Just tell me where to begin.”

—–

After signing a few documents for payroll, Dan was shown around the penthouse. The whole tour took about 30 minutes at least. The home was full of rooms and hallways that looked identical. At the end of it all, Dan was introduced to Mrs. Ruby Roberts, the housekeeper. She was woman in middle age that apparently kept a pristine house. She had asked Dan if she had just finished GCSEs, a dig at how young and inexperienced Dan appeared.

“I completed two years of uni,” Dan said in the most respectful tone she could muster.

The older woman scoffed and turned to her boss. “Are you sure she can handle the little ones? You’ve got that trip coming and you know how they are when you’re gone for longer than a day.”

“They’ve already warmed up to her. Remember how it took two days for them to even speak to Jane.” Jane was the previous nanny. According to Abby, Jane had quit because the twins were so spoiled and ill-mannered.

Mrs. Roberts didn’t believe it. “Even Athena?”

“Even Athena.” Phil gave Dan a calming smile.

The housekeeper smiled then but Dan knew it was fake.

“Welcome,” Mrs. Roberts told her. “I wouldn’t unpack everything all at once. You never know when you’ll leaving again.”

Phil hadn’t heard that last comment because her phone had gone off and she was on a yet another call. This time it was something about procuring a new property in Ireland.

Mrs. Roberts had walked off and disappeared into the maze of the penthouse. Phil was pacing back and forth as she negotiated over the phone, leaving Dan on her own to explore her new home.

—–

Once Phil hung up again, Dan asked her to show her where her room was once more as she was already confused. Phil took her up the main stairs, reciting the directions aloud so that Dan could repeat them. Dan hoped she would remember when she came back later tonight so she wouldn’t have to bother anyone, especially Mrs. Roberts.

When they found the room, Dan noticed a man in scrubs coming towards them then making a quick turn down another hallways. “Was that a nurse?”

“Yes,” Phil told her. “For my husband, Alex. He suffered a stroke four years ago and has been in a coma ever since. The nurses’ aides are here throughout the day to see after him.”

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”

“Yes, well. Listen, I know I gave you that packet detailing everything you needed to know but I want to make this very clear. The children are not allowed in their father’s room. They don’t need to see him that way.”

“I understand,” Dan replied, even though she really didn’t. At that moment, it didn’t make sense to protest.

A look of relief came for Phil’s face. “Now that you’re hired, I can finally focus on my business.” Dan was confused. That’s all Phil seemed to be focused on. “I’m going to Germany for the next two weeks. I’m leaving tonight so I’ll see you when I get back.”

Phil’s phone went off again, and with a smile she answered before walking off down the hall. Dan laughed to herself. Her parents had told her she would never get anywhere as a dropout. Now, she was living in a penthouse full of servants and chauffeurs. Life is funny that way.


	2. Settling In

The morning dawned grey and stormy. Dan looked over at the clock on her end table and saw that it was time to get dressed for the day. According to the instructions Phil had left her, the children were almost always awake by 7:30 unless they were ill.

Dan looked around her new accommodations and smiled. The suite she was given was enormous. Her bed sat upon a stage of its own that she had on which she had to step up in order to get in bed. Large floor to ceiling windows made up the north facing wall. The room itself was painted a light green and felt airy. To the left, there was a modern style bathroom complete with everything she could possibly need. Dan was most amazed by the walk-in closet. Her closet only filled about an eighth of it as it resembled a small bedroom rather than a wardrobe.

With a smile and hop in her step, Dan began getting ready for her first day as nanny to Phil Lester.

—–

“You will eat every grain of porridge. Am I understood?” Mrs. Roberts instructed Athena and Ethan before they even had a chance to complain at the sorry excuse for oatmeal. Dan smiled compassionately at them. “And sit on your bottoms, not your knees.”

“Do you like it?” Dan asked them.

Mrs. Roberts cleared her throat. “I don’t allow them to speak at the table.”

“Why not?”

“They will sit there and not eat. Then they come to me later in the morning for something to eat. They need to eat now, not converse.” Dan nodded, knowing the two little ones were watching her. As soon as Mrs. Roberts left the room, Dan rolled her eyes.

“How bad is it?”

Ethan giggled. His sister made gagging noises.

Dan took clean spoon from her place setting and took a small helping from Athena’s bowl. The moment the gruel hit her palette, Dan grimaced. “Does your mother know how badly this taste?”

“Meanie Roberts tells her it’s good for us,” said Athena.

Dan shook her head. “There are things that are good for you that doesn’t taste like shit.”

Both children gasped.

“Don’t tell anyone I said that!” Dan said, blushing furiously.

“We won’t tell,” they answered in unison.

Laughing, Dan said, “You have got to stop doing that twin thing.”

“What twin thing?” they asked.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll go in the kitchen and see if I can whip up something just as healthy and yummy too.”

Dan left her charges in the breakfast room and found the kitchen easily. Once there she open the fridge to take stock of what was available. Inside, she saw an overabundance of fresh fruit, eggs, and other materials for a fantastic breakfast. She checked the cupboards for the dry ingredients, and in moments set about making scrambled eggs, whole wheat toast, and fruit salad on the side.

Just as she was about done with the new meal, Mrs. Roberts entered the kitchen. The other woman looked at Dan disdainfully. “Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“I made the children breakfast. They didn’t want the porridge,” said Dan innocently.

“You’ll spoil them by giving them everything they want.”

“They didn’t ask for this. I just think this will make our day go smoother… and it’s a whole lot more nutritious and energizing. Don’t you think?”

Mrs. Roberts made up her face in annoyance. “This is my kitchen.”

“And they are my responsibility. I cleaned up as I went along.” Dan motioned to the worktop and the sink. Not one instrument, pot, or pan was out of place. “No worries.”

“Listen,” Mrs. Roberts began while pointing her finger in Dan’s face. “You do not want to make an enemy out of me. You’ll be gone in a few weeks just like the last one.”

“Oh, Mrs. Roberts, I’m sure we’ll be fast friends,” Dan told her in an artificial cheerful tone. Without a second glance to the housekeeper, Dan reentered the breakfast room.

“Breakfast guys!” she announced. The twins reached for the food as if they had been starved. Fifteen minutes later, not a scrap was left.

—-

After the breakfast debacle, Dan wondered if Phil would even bother to speak to her about it. That woman was so busy that she didn’t even tell her children goodbye before she left. Dan could tell she truly loved her children but her lifestyle made it hard for Phil to be the mother she wanted to be.

The schedule Phil had for her children consisted for half-day kindergarten at a prestigious prep school, music and sport lessons, and French lessons. Dan marveled at the time table and struggled to remember a time when she was that busy. She eventually settled on never. This pair of five year olds did more in a day than most do in a week.

As Athena was almost ready for school, Dan noticed that her hair was a right mess. “Would you like me do your hair?”

“Have you ever done hair before?” the child asked cautiously.

“Yes, every morning,” Dan laughed. Athena didn’t find it amusing.

“I mean it. Only mummy does my hair.”

“What about when she’s gone?”

“Nobody does it because I’ll scream.”

Dan thought for a moment. Athena was definitely headstrong but she couldn’t let her leave the house looking the way she did.

“I used to do my little cousin’s hair all the time,” Dan told her. “I promise it’ll look good.”

“You promise?” Athena asked. “Okay.”

Dan sat Athena on the little vanity bench in her princess themed bedroom. She took a spray bottle of water to help the hair loosen and lower the chance of tears. Dan began with small brush strokes at the tips to get the knots out. The entire time Athena’s face showed worry in the mirror.

Ethan eventually joined them, dressed in her tiny navy blazer and khaki trousers. “You look nice, Nina,” he commented as Dan completed the final tie of the ribbons on Athena’s braids.

“Thank you, Dan!” Athena exclaimed with a smile. “Okay, you can do my hair from now on. I was getting tired of looking a total mess.”

Dan stifled a laugh. Athena’s vocabulary surprised her. Out of the two, Athena was more likely to protest and make her voice heard. She was by no means shy and she knew exactly what she wanted and when she wanted it. Dan knew that she had to tread carefully and gain Athena’s trust. Ethan was bit harder to figure out. At the moment, Dan figured out that he simply followed his sister’s instructions.

Now that they were ready for school, Dan ushered them downstairs into the lobby to wait for their driver. A black car arrived almost immediately and a tall man stepped out to open the door.

“Hello,” he smiled at Dan. “I’m Maxwell. Are you the new nanny?”

“Yes, I’m Daniella—Well, Dan.”

“Nice to meet you, Dan,” Max gestured for her to get in. “Will you be requiring my service after we drop them off?”

“Yes,” Dan decided conspiratorially. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to stop by my house. I have something I want to show my parents.”

“Yes, Miss.”

—–

An hour later, they pulled up to 8 Rabbit Lane, Dan’s childhood home. Both her parents’ cars were in the driveway so she knew they were home. Dan didn’t wait for Max to pull open the door, too excited to share the new life she had.

She took out her key and went inside, calling out for her parents as she did.

“Dan, why are you shouting?” Her mother looked bothered and probably hadn’t had her morning tea yet, despite it being almost 9 o’clock.

“Come outside. I have something to show you. Where’s Dad?”

“Here I am,” her father announced, with two steaming cups in his hands. Her mother smiled gratefully and took one long sip.

“Come on,” Dan whined.

“Love, you know we need our tea before dealing with you.”

Dan decided to ignore her father’s comment and pulled him outside.

“Whose is that?”

“Mine,” Dan squealed.

“Yours?” her mother. She waved to Max who waved back. “I know you got that new job but I didn’t think they’d pay you this quickly. Didn’t you just start today?”

“Yes—well, okay. It’s not mine _but_ I’m allowed to use it. The family I’m working for is very wealthy.”

“That’s lovely. Are you taking the time to go back to school?” her mother asked then took another sip.

“I can’t go to school with a full time job.”

“Full time? Where are the children now?” Mr. Howell inquired.

“At school…” Dan sighed. “Look, I didn’t come by for a lecture on how I’m wasting my life. I just wanted to show you how cool this new job was.”

“You need to think about your own future, Daniella. When these kids grow up, what will you do? What if they have to move? What if they decide they don’t need a nanny anymore?”

“I’ll get another gig,” Dan whined in that immature way that annoyed her parents.

“After you wasted our money going to that art school, and flunked out, we think you should be thinking about the more long term goals,” Mrs. Howell remarked. “I mean that family can afford the best things in life… Can you? You can’t keep living off other people. Don’t you want anything of your own?”

“For now, this is what I’m doing. You know, I thought you guys would be proud of me. I’m persevering. A lesser person who dropped out of college might be sitting at home feeling sorry for themselves. I got up and got a decent job with amazing benefits. I can save up and go to school when I’m ready since I’m not paying rent.”

“That’s true,” Mr. Howell shrugged. His wife wasn’t convinced.

“I know you, Daniella. Are you really going to do all these things? Can I count on you to grow up or should I keep your room for you just in case?”

Dan turned on her heels and threw up her hands in frustration. “Fine, Mum! Go ahead and turn my room into a painting studio or gym or whatever. I’m gone for good!”

Mrs. Howell shouted once last thing before Dan got into the town car. “Ava’s been calling for you.”

“Shit,” Dan mumbled to herself. She took out her phone, which she had been ignoring for the past few days and saw 25 texts, four missed calls, and a voicemail.

Maxwell was watching Dan in the rearview mirror having seen how distressed she was when she got in the car. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah…” Dan moaned inwardly as she listened to the voice message.

_“So I guess we’re not together anymore? Is that it? Dan, you’re nothing but a user! I needed you the other day and you were nowhere to be found. When your parents almost kicked you out for dropping out—excuse me flunking out—of art school, I was there for you. I just found out that I got a D on my last exam. There’s no way I can get into medical school with this! You’re my girlfriend and the one time I need you, you aren’t there for me.”_

Dan called her back. She was able to talk her through their issues and the bad mark. Ava even apologized for the many, many messages she left on Dan’s phone.

With that settled, Dan was able to focus on the children again. After being picked up at 1, they were shuttled all over London for various lessons. As it was Tuesday, Ethan had his dance class while Athena had piano lessons. Ethan happily went into the studio and joined the other children in the class. When Dan arrived with Athena to the piano teacher’s townhome, Athena refused to go inside.

“I don’t want to!”

“Mummy said you loved piano.”

“She lied! I hate it.”

“But, your teacher is waiting for us,” Dan mentioned. “You wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.”

“I don’t care what she feels,” Athena shouted. She threw herself to the ground, on the dirty pavement and began kicking and screaming. Not knowing what to do, Dan let her finish the tantrum.

“Are you done?” Dan asked, five minutes later.

Athena pouted. “You were supposed to take me home.”

“What’s wrong with piano lessons? You can tell me. Remember this morning when you didn’t like the breakfast so I found something even better to eat.”

Athena approached Dan with caution. “I don’t like it. I can’t do it. She yells at me when I press the wrong keys. It’s scary.”

“What if I stayed with you for the entire lesson? I bet she won’t yell at you if I’m there.”

“You think so?” Dan nodded. They both went inside. Dan greeted the piano teacher, Ms. Cavanaugh with a handshake.

“I’ll just sit over there,” Dan told her, marking the surprised look on the teacher’s face. The lesson went smoothly, and Athena was glad to note Ms. Cavanaugh didn’t raise her voice once.

—–

Dan’s first day had been tiring to say the least. Between Mrs. Roberts’s constant underhanded comments, Athena’s moods, and Ava’s whining, Dan needed a rest. Unfortunately, the storm that had been threatening all day finally erupted in loud booms of thunder and frightening lightening. Dan tossed and turned in her new room, not feeling the comfort of being up this high in the sky. With one especially loud boom, Dan heard the scurrying of feet outside the hallway. She watched as he bedroom door opened slightly.

“Who is it?”

“Me,” a tiny voice answered.

Dan smiled with relief. “Come in, ‘Me’.”

Ethan eventually showed his sad, tearful face and came further into the room. “Can I stay with you, Dan?”

“Of course!”

He ran up to the stage and climbed into bed with Dan.

“Are you afraid of the storm too?” Ethan asked. Dan replied, “Yes, but I feel better now that you’re here.”

She could see Ethan’s smile even in the dark room. She cuddled him with her many blankets and found herself finally getting comfortable too, all settled in. “Good night, Dan.”

“Good night.”


	3. Out and About

“I’m never having kids,” Dan muttered to herself. While she loved Athena and Ethan, their daily needs just exhausted her. At the moment, they were both at the play gym with fifteen other children their age. It was loud, in both volume and color. The other adults appeared to be numb to the atmosphere. Dan worried that she too would succumb to mind-numbing that was two hours of play gym.

An hour in, Athena was sent over to sit with Dan. She wore a phony pout on her angelic face. Dan looked over to the instructor for signs of trouble. The young woman with her hair in one and a frown on her face turned back to the other children.

“What happened?”

“George.”

“Who is George?” Dan asked. Athena pointed to a little boy with short dark curls, wearing a green and blue gymnastics outfit. He was crying. “Why is he upset?”

“I told him he was not the boss of me and Ethan,” Athena said.

“But that doesn’t explain the tears.”

Athena shrugged. “I pushed him down.”

“Why?”

“He made me mad.”

“You can’t do that every time someone makes you mad.”

Athena sat down on the bench in resignation. “I know but… But…”

“What is it?”

“This is my third strike,” Athena smiled. “I hate coming here. Now, I won’t be allowed back.”

“You pushed him on purpose?”

“Only so Mummy wouldn’t send me back. I don’t like it. Ethan doesn’t either.”

Dan couldn’t help feel a chill grow up her spine. This whole ordeal was manufactured by a five year old. Athena was manipulative for sure. After a month of working for the Lesters, Dan has learned a lot about her charges. Athena scared her sometimes in her genius and ability to sway those around her. At the same time, she understood why Athena behaved the way she did. She never had anyone but Ethan to listen to her. With the other servants and home support constantly pushing her around, she had to develop a way to deal with it all. So, Athena lied and cheated to get what she wanted. And this time, she became violent.

“When we get home, you are in a lot of trouble,” Dan told her. Athena had sense enough to pretend to be surprised and offended.

“What will it be? Time-out?”

“No, not this time.” Dan wracked her brain for a good discipline tactic.

Athena eyed her nanny cautiously. She hadn’t expected anything but a time out. Those she could handle. Hitting George to get out of play gym was worth five minutes of sitting still.

“I’m locking the playroom.”

“You can’t do that!” Athena exclaimed.

“Yes, I can. You made a bad decision and this is your consequence.”

“Just put me in time-out.”

“You cannot choose your punishment this time,” Dan said with a firm voice. “Sit here while I go ask your brother something.”

Dan got up and walked over to the group. She called Ethan over. He smiled as he ran over to meet her. “Are we going now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nina said we wouldn’t have to come to play gym anymore after today. Can we leave now?”

“You mean, you really don’t like it.”

He shook his head. “The other kids are mean.”

“Alright, go and put your shoes on. We’ll leave.”

Ethan stepped of the big blue mat of the play gym and ran over to his sister, who was waiting for him. Their instructor, Miss Julie, called to Dan to talk to her.

“Are you the new nanny?”

“Yeah. What happened with Athena?”

“We were having circle time and all I know is Athena shouted something to a little boy and pushed him down. She almost got a punch in before I pulled her off him.”

“Oh my God,” Dan’s eyes widened. She had never seen Athena get violent.

“Yeah. It’s weird because George barely speaks as it is. Anyway, as I told her previous nanny, Athena had two strikes. This makes three. She cannot come back.”

“I understand. I’ll have to work on Athena’s behavior.”

Julie scoffed. “Listen, this is from one child care provider to another. These posh kids are spoiled rotten sometimes. Try not to take it personally when they act up in public. Your two don’t know any better. They shuffled around from nanny to nanny. Their mum is hardly ever in the country. I know because the other mothers talk to me.”

Dan felt bad for Phil. She knew Phil was trying her best to do right but her children and her husband for that matter. She was running a large household, an even bigger business, and hardly had time to sleep.

Julie gave Dan a compassionate pat on the back.

“Thanks for your help,” Dan told her, knowing that Julie had a her heart in the right place even though she was passing judgement on a situation she really couldn’t understand, no matter how much gossip she listened to.

Athena and Ethan were waiting patiently for Dan to return. Dan heard a familiar ring tone and knew it was Ava. She answered, hoping it wouldn’t take too long.

“Hey. Yeah. Umm… I’m busy with the kids. I know I haven’t seen you in a while. Okay. The park on Fredrick Road? Okay. Sounds good.”

—-

Because Athena got them kicked out of play gym, they had more than enough time to go to the park before lunch. Dan sat down on the bench watching Athena and Ethan play on their own. They were incredibly close. Dan wondered if Phil knew about Athena’s sly tendencies or Ethan’s predisposition to do whatever his sister said. In the past month that Dan has worked for them, she had seen Phil all of three times. Did she know her kids at all?

“Dan!”

Ava approached the bench and leaned down to give Dan a kiss on the cheek. Her long blonde hair brush against Dan’s face before Ava got a chance to flip her hair back.

“How’s it going?”

Dan laughed to herself. “We got kicked out of gym this morning. How are you?”

“I’m alright. Wow. What happened?”

“My little angel face went all demonic on this kid and pounded on him. It was her last strike. She’s been asked not to come back.”

Ava laughed. “Oh my God. That’s intense.”

“Well, she’s accepted her punishment.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Take away her toys for two days.”

“Only two days?”

“Yeah. Any longer and she’ll forget why I took them away in the first place.”

“Listen to you!” Ava commented. “You sound like a mum.”

“Ha! I love them to pieces but I am not having any children. I made that decision this morning.”

“Why?”

“I can’t take the constant worrying about where they are at all times. They’re not even mine and I’m worried about them, even on my days off.”

“Speak of the devils,” Ava murmured under her breath as she saw to little ones making their way towards them. Athena approached cautiously when she saw Ava sitting there.

“Who are you?”

“My name is Ava. You must be Athena.”

The little girl didn’t say anymore. Ethan, however, said hello, sat next to her and laid his head on her arm.

“He’s so sweet,” Ava gushed. Dan ignored the comment as to not make Athena feel bad.

“Are you done playing?” Dan asked her. Athena glared at Ava even more.

“Is she your friend?” the little girl probed ignoring Dan’s question.

“Ava is my girlfriend,” Dan told her.

“You guys kiss and stuff?”

“What do you know about kissing?” Ava laughed. Athena didn’t appreciate her patronizing her.

“I know a lot about kissing. You stick out your lips like this.” Athena demonstrated with her lips in a pucker.

“Is that all? I think I’ve been doing it wrong all these years.”

“You probably are.” Athena replied with an attitude.

“Aren’t you full of sass,” Ava said, rolling her eyes. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size, little girl?”

Athena’s eyes blazed with anger.

Dan butted in. “That’s enough you two.”

“I don’t know how you deal with this one every day, Dan. Anyway, I’ve got to get back to school.” With a quick kiss to the lips, Ava was gone as fast a she came, leaving Dan with a very angry Athena.

—–

“I don’t like her.”

“Who?” Dan asked, placing the plate of dinner in front of Athena.

“Ava.”

“I liked her,” Ethan proclaimed, taking a fork to his spaghetti. “She’s pretty like you.”

“Why didn’t you like her?” Dan inquired, confused.

“She called me little.”

Dan approached this subject carefully. “You just don’t know her very well. I bet if you met again, you would like her.”

“Well, I don’t. You should have a nicer girlfriend, Dan.”

“I’ll think about it.”


	4. January

Christmas had come and gone. Dan spent the day with her own family, who went on and on about her cousins upcoming graduations, her other cousin’s wedding preparations, and her own incredible failures. In a middle class family of professionals, Dan was the black sheep in second-hand wool. Over dinner, they had asked about her new career. When she told them about the kids, they proceeded to mention how she probably wouldn’t have any of her own because of… her _preferences_. It was safe to say that Dan her share of eye-rolling that evening.

When she returned to the penthouse, she found the children surrounded by a sea of gifts. Athena was riding her new bicycle in the house, while Ethan painted his mother’s pristine walls with his new art supplies.

Dan gasped at the sight. “Mrs. Roberts is going to kill you two!”

“Dan!” they both squealed upon seeing their nanny for the first time all day. She was still bundled up for the winter cold.

Ethan said, “Mummy, came home with all these presents!” The little boy’s hands were marked with blue and grey water color.

“And she’s still here!” Athena added, coming to a stop in front of Dan’s winter boots.

“That’s great,” Dan smiled, knowing how happy they were to have their mother home. “Alright, let’s keep Mummy sane, and clean up this mess you made.”

“My art is a mess?”

“No honey. Not when it’s on paper or in your own room—at least then we could hide it better. Come on.” Dan managed to get the paint of the wall before either Phil or Mrs. Roberts were able to see it.

—-

January came with a snowstorm and cancelled flights. Phil was stuck at home, going stir crazy. The woman paced the rooms of the penthouse, worrying her hands into a frenzy.

Most of January 5th was spent trying to keep the children out of trouble as the streets were still too messy to go out. They were in desperate need of a place to run and play. Their home, while enormous, offered no such space as they were not permitted in most rooms. Phil found solace in attaching herself to her phone and computer, yelling at whomever would listen.

That night, long after the twins’ bedtime, Dan heard the sound of sobbing. Worried that one of the children had woken up, Dan stepped into the quiet hallway. She made her way down the passage, seeking out the source of the forlorn weeping.

Before she realized it, Dan had happened upon the room that was forbidden to her and the children, Mr. Lester’s room. The door was cracked open just a sliver, and Dan could hear Phil’s crying along with the soft beeping of a machine. She had gotten much quieter for some reason Dan couldn’t see.

“I don’t think I can do this,” Phil said suddenly. Dan thought she must be speaking to herself because Mr. Lester certainly could not respond and there was no sign of a nurse. “Nothing’s going right. Your brother wanted me to give him your half of the company when you first got sick. I couldn’t let that happen because I knew you wouldn’t like it. I knew one day you’d wake up and you’d be glad to know I kept everything going for you, waiting for you.

“But, I can’t do this. It’s too much. I’m hardly ever home. Ethan lost a tooth and I wasn’t there to put money beneath his pillow. Athena’s constantly in trouble. She’s acting out because I’m not here. I should be here. Alex, why did you leave me?”

Dan brought her hand to her mouth, in shock. She hadn’t seen or heard Phil this vulnerable.

“You were the one who was supposed to handle all this stuff. I hate it. I hate math, always have. You know that.” Phil laughed wetly. “You got the degree in business and I got mine in literature. I wasn’t meant to do any of this. Your board of directors is talking about investors, stocks, and profits. All I think about is if you’ll wake up.”

There was a pause.

“Wake up! Damn it, wake up!”

Dan then heard the sound of shaking and then a long plaintive wail. She tip-toed away, believing she had overheard something she shouldn’t have.

—–

Dan barely slept but still woke up in time to see Phil rushing out the door for her flight to Madrid.

“You look a mess,” Phil said lightheartedly when she saw Dan still clad in her pajamas and hair up in a messy bun.

“Huh?” Dan answered back, surprised to see how well Phil put herself together, considering she spent half the night crying over her husband’s motionless body.

“Not a morning person?” Phil asked. “Oh well. You seem to be alright. I’ll be back this evening so you can get your day off tomorrow.”

“Okay, great,” Dan answered, with a slight air of confusion. She brushed it off when Phil finally waved good bye and stepped out the door.

Hours later, Dan was reading to Athena. Ethan had already fallen asleep for his nap. The book she read detailed a family’s day out to an amusement park. But this family didn’t have a mother and father; it had two fathers.

Athena sat up and told her nanny, “I don’t think that’s fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

“Franny and Jessica got two daddies. I don’t even have one.”

“Yes, you do,” Dan said, “And you have a mummy as well.”

Athena didn’t take that explanation well. “I don’t have a daddy. How comes I never seen him before?”

Dan looked at Athena appraisingly. Had this child truly never seen her father, who lived just upstairs her entire life?

“You do have a father, Athena. His name is Alex.”

“Oh. Where is he?”

“Umm, he’s upstairs.”

“He is?” Athena took Dan by the hand and pulled her up. Dan followed without thinking.

“Show me. I want to see him.”

Dan knew it was against the rules but something told her these kids had a right to see their father. She thought maybe the sound of his children’s voices could aid in his recovery. She thought, ultimately, that nothing could go wrong and Phil might ease up on the rules about visitation.

Dan led Athena up the backstairs, the ones closest to Mr. Lester’s room. They approached the room and listened for any sounds of trouble and heard none.

“Come on,” Dan told the girl, knocking on the door softly.

A short male nurse dressed in light blue scrubs opened the door with a smile.

“Hi, Toby?” Dan said reading the nurse’s badge with a shy wave. “Athena wants to say hello to her dad.”

The nurse replied, “Hi, Athena. Dad’s just finished up with his exercises so he’s ready for visitors. You came just in time.”

Athena looked up at Dan for reassurance before walking into the room. Before her, she saw a funny looking bed that reminded her of a crib because of the bars on the side. The brunet man on the bed looked familiar, like she had seen him in pictures before. Dan noted how handsome he was, and how much Phil missed this man laid here before her.

“He’s my daddy?” she asked, sidling up the bed carefully.

“Yes,” Dan answered. “Say hello.”

“But he’s sleeping.”

“I know, honey. Daddy’s sick but you can talk to him while he’s sleeping.”

“What do I say?”

“Tell him about your favorite things,” Dan suggested. “Tell him about Ethan. Just talk to him.”

Nurse Toby left them for a few minutes and allowed Athena to introduce herself to her father. She told him her favorite food and drink (macaroni & cheese, apple juice). She told him about the necklace mummy brought her from Italy and all the other wonderful presents she received for Christmas. Athena even told him about the bad dream she had the night before. Dan was amazed by how well Athena handled seeing her father in his condition.

“Daddy, your room needs more paintings. I’m gonna tell Ethan to make you some. He’s really good at art.”

With that sentiment, Athena hopped out of the chair at her father’s bedside. Dan took her hand once more and they exited. “I’ll come back soon!” Athena said just as the door shut again.

—–

Phil arrived back in the house at nine pm. Athena and Ethan were both in bed already, and Dan had retired to her room.

At midnight, Dan heard her banging on her door. Sleepy and confused, she threw back the duvet and stumbled over to unlock the door. Stood in front of her was an irate Phil holding up the drawing Athena and Ethan made for their father’s room.

“What are these?” Phil demanded.

Dan blinked, terrified. “They’re drawings the children made for your husband.”

“Why did they draw these for him?”

“They thought he would like it– you know, brighten up the room.”

“Why were they even in his room?!”

Dan was taken aback by the volume of Phil’s voice. “I– Umm, Athena asked about him so I took her to see him. She talked to him for a while and decided that she would decorate his room. Ethan then wanted to see him too so I took them.”

Phil pointed her finger in Dan’s face. “You deliberately went against my wishes. I told you explicitly that Ethan and Athena do not go in that room!”

“I know but–,”

“What?”

“They liked seeing him.”

“They’re just children! I make the rules. I am the parent. They are my kids, and you are my nanny. If you can’t follow my rules, you will not live under my roof, or be on my payroll.”

“I’m sorry!” Dan said with tears in her eyes, knowing what was coming.

“You are fired. You have three days to pack up your stuff.”

Phil was gone before Dan could even plead her case.


	5. Necessary and Proper

“Are you ever going to stop mourning that job?” Ava twisted her long hair into a low bun as she got ready for class. Dan was sleeping over to avoid her parents and their disappointed, told-you-so glances.

Sighing, Dan said, “I love those kids. Athena was just starting to trust me and little Ethan is such a sweetheart.”

“You’ll get another job,” Ava told her, as if it were the easiest thing in the world. “Meanwhile, try getting a degree in biology without going completely mad.”

“Why do you always do that, A?”

“Do what?”

Dan sat up on the edge of her girlfriend’s bed. “Whenever I have a problem, you always make it seem like some childish bullshit.”

“Maybe… because it is.”

“I just lost my job!”

“One that wasn’t going anywhere. Why don’t you think about going back to school and getting a real career? You like kids so be a teacher. You’ll always have work.”

“I’d have to get a degree. I hate school. Not everyone is suited for it.”

“So, you’d rather spend the rest of your life living like a slave, eating other’s people food and wiping their kids’ arses?”

Dan couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Actually, yes she could. Ava’s always been a little stuck up and self-centered. It was easy to overlook because she was pretty and made Dan laugh most of the time. All-in-all she was happy-go-lucky kind of girlfriend, until uni started. “People like you need people like me to wipe your kid’s arse, okay?” Dan retorted. “You won’t do it. Don’t think you’re all high and mighty because you’re getting a degree.”

“Oh please. You’re just fucking lazy. Your mum calls me once a week to tell me to fix you. She doesn’t understand why her beautiful, passionate, brilliant daughter is slumming around London like a bloody bum. I know why. You’re lazy!”

“And I will grow out of that. But, you will always be a bitch.”

“Get out! And by the way, it’s over.”

“Finally,” Dan said rolling her eyes. She quickly gathered her things, changed her into her jeans, and left.  

—-

Dan hated to admit it, but she cried when she got home from Ava’s. Her mother had asked what was wrong but upon remembering what Ava told her earlier, Dan chose to keep her mouth shut. She didn’t want her mother wondering why her beautiful, passionate daughter couldn’t keep a boy or girlfriend.

Between losing her job and breaking up with her girlfriend, Dan had reevaluated her life. Everything was falling apart and the one thing that was common in both situations was her, and her bad decisions. If she hadn’t broken Phil’s rules, she’d still have job. If she hadn’t picked that fight with Ava, she’d still have a girlfriend.

The doorbell rang at a quarter to one. Drowsy and cranky, Dan mumbled to alert the visitor of her presence. Abby was outside.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Abby handed Dan an envelope with a seal. “She told me to give it to you.”

“Phil?” Dan popped open the seal to find a short memo inside which read:

_Your position is still open. If you would like it back, please reply with your acceptance._

Dan chortled. “How bad were they?”

“Who?”

“The kids.”

Abby looked into Dan’s eyes conspiratorially. “I’m not supposed to say anything but they’ve completely destroyed the nursery and the upstairs office.”

“So now she’s come begging for me?”

“You didn’t hear it from me,” Abby whispered.

“Tell her… No.” Dan handed the letter back to Abby who stood there, mouth agape.

“I can’t go back to her with this! She’ll bite my head off.”

“Where is she?” Dan smiled to herself, having an inkling that Phil was in the limo parked outside her home.

“In the car.”

Dressed in a tank top and short shorts, Dan approached the car and knocked on the tinted window. It rolled down to show Phil, proud and stoic.

“You want me back?” Dan asked innocently.

“I don’t want to train anyone new.”

“Oh, is that right?”

“Yes.”

“If I came back with you right now, the house wouldn’t be a mess and the kids would be well behaved, attending all their activities, and eating their veggies?”

“What do you want?” Phil asked through clenched teeth. “A raise?”

Dan tapped her chin. “No. I want those kids to know their father.” Phil glared at her. “They don’t see you,” Dan continued. “Let them see him. They deserve it.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“I guess I’ll _think_ about coming back.”

Phil’s lips pursed into a thin line. “Fine.”

“Fine.”

“Your room is just how you left it.”

“Glad to hear it.”

“I’m off to Australia. Please make sure that they’re taken care of.”

Dan smiled, happy at the thought of seeing the twins again. “I will. Have a safe trip.”

—-

Dan pushed open the door of the penthouse and heard screaming. Immediately, she knew it was Athena having one of her trademark tantrums. Mrs. Roberts could also be heard begging the child to stop her foolishness.

Setting her things down, Dan found the pair in the kitchen. On the table was a half-eaten plate of carrots. Dan knew that was the problem.

“No!” Athena shrieked. Neither of them had taken notice of Dan’s presence so she quietly went into the pantry to pull a bottle of low fat ranch dressing. She poured condiment on the plate so that it was just enough for Athena.

“Athena, get off the floor and eat,” Dan said with authority. The little girl paused as she heard the familiar voice.

“Dan!” she exclaimed, tears forgotten.

“Yes, I’m back for good. Now, come and eat.”

Athena did as she was told while Mrs. Roberts looked on flabbergasted.

Dan smiled at her. “It’s nice to see you too, Mrs. Roberts.”

The housekeeper nodded.

“Next time, remember, Athena will not eat carrots without dressing. As long as it’s the low fat stuff, I think it is fine in moderation.”

Mrs. Roberts nodded again. “Welcome back, my girl.”


	6. Conversation

Dan really wished she could forget about her. Even the harsh words she uttered at the end of their relationship didn’t erase every moment Ava made her feel beautiful or important. After a long day at the aquarium, Dan laid in bed wishing for someone’s soft feminine hands to touch her chest, her stomach, and her legs. She missed the way Ava’s shampoo smelled and how her hair felt in her face because she never remembered her hair tie. As much as Dan knew that Ava was a user, she missed being the first person the other girl would call in times of stress or sadness. Ava was stuck up but Dan rationalized it to wanting the best in the world. And perhaps that why they broke up. Dan wasn’t the best. She was far from it.

She didn’t feel pathetic crying though. Tears meant release and closure. Dan didn’t feel pathetic at all, until she heard a soft knock at her door.

“Come in,” Dan answered wetly.

Phil pushed the door open and stepped inside.

“Oh, you’re back,” Dan noted. Phil had been gone for a week to some conference in Asia.

“Yeah,” Phil replied. “You alright?”

“Not really.”

“What’s wrong?” Phil sat down on the edge of Dan’s bed and turned on the lamp beside her. She reached for the tissues and handed a few to Dan.

“Bad break up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Guys suck sometimes.”

Dan laughed to herself. Of course she thought Dan was straight. She had been working for this woman for six months and Phil still didn’t know she was queer. “They do. But I broke up with my _girlfriend_.”

“Your _girlfriend_?” Phil repeated.

“My _girlfriend_ … Well, ex-girlfriend.”

“I didn’t know you were…“

“Is that a problem?” Dan asked softly, fearing that it was.

Phil shook her head quickly. “No, it’s just that I feel I should have known that, you know. You’ve been living here for a while. Did you ever bring her over?”

“No. That didn’t seem professional.”

“Oh. I guess, you’re right. What made you break up?”

“We… I don’t know. We have different goals in life.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s going to be a doctor and I’m just a piece a shit.” Dan laughed at her own joke but Phil didn’t.

“Hey, that’s not fair. You are really good at what you do. My house fell apart the day you left.”

“She just made it seem like I wasn’t fulfilling my potential.”

“I know that feeling.”

“You do?”

“When I was just about to get married, I had started working as a lecturer at Smith’s University. Imagine how proud my parents were to tell all our family and friends they had a daughter teaching at a university. But, after I took my vows, I decided I really wanted a family so I resigned and became a homemaker.”

“They gave you crap about that?”

“Well, they want to but I then reminded them that I was married to a sexy trust fund kid and they had to let it go.”

They laughed.

“But look at you now,” Dan told her. “No one could say you are lazy.”

“No, they can’t. But, I can’t do what you do.”

“What? Nannying?”

“Yeah. I can’t even raise my kids on my own. There are so many women who do it solo or do it for their livelihoods. I just can’t imagine being with them all day, every day.”

“Not even if you didn’t have two companies to run?”

“If Alex hadn’t had that stroke, I probably would be one of those moms, whose entire life is invested into the success of their children. You know the type that live vicariously through them.”

“Yeah.”

“But I had to do what I had to do. So are you. It’s understandable that you’re upset about your girlfriend. It always hurts to lose a friend. Trust me, I know.” Dan knew this was true. Even though Alex was still alive, and still around, Phil had lost him. “But some friends are worth losing. Maybe she doesn’t think you’re living up to her standards. Forget that. Are you living up to yours? My kids love you. Ethan’s happier now and Athena hasn’t been kicked out of any playgroups since you started here. You’re an excellent nanny and you’re going to be a great mother someday. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”

Dan never dreamed that Phil could be so compassionate. This hardworking, tour-de-force of a woman often intimidated her. It was hard to believe that Phil was just as insecure as she was; even harder to believe that she was this pleasant.

“Thank you. I want to let you know that if you ever want to talk, about anything, I’m here.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Dan couldn’t stop herself before she said, “I heard you one night… In your husband’s room. I wasn’t eavesdropping. I heard crying went to go see if the children were okay when I saw that it was you.” Phil couldn’t look Dan in the eye. She looked everywhere else.

“I’m alone,” she finally said some time later. “He left me with all this to deal with. We got married for better or worse, but I never expected worse to come. Sometimes, I want to move on. I want to date again, maybe get married to someone else but I can’t. Does that make me a horrible person?”

“No.”

“God, I haven’t been kissed in years. I mean really kissed. That stuff that makes your heart stop.”

“You’re human, Phil. You have wants and needs like anyone else. You seem to be living for everyone but yourself.”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you like running both companies? The hygiene products are your invention but everything else with your name on it… are you enjoying it?”

“No. I hate it actually. What do I know about pharmaceuticals? Nothing.”

“Why are you running both?” Dan asked, genuinely interested.

“I just thought that one day he’d wake up and want his business back. It’s been almost five years now.”

“Isn’t there a way for you to give up power without giving up your husband’s stake?”

“There probably is. Maybe then I’ll be a good mother.”

“What are you talking about?”

“My children hate me– Athena does. Ethan loves anyone who gives him attention.”

“Athena does not hate you.”

“She told me so the day you left.”

“She’s only five.”

“Five and three quarters,” Phil corrected childishly. “She knows what she likes and dislikes. And she doesn’t want me for a mother.”

“I’m sure you’re just overreacting. Athena has her bad days. She’s spirited, like her mum.”

“I guess we’ll see.”

“You are not a bad mother, Phil. You try your hardest to make they have everything they need even when you’re not here. Other mothers in your position might have sent them to boarding school right off and ignored them until they turned eighteen.”

“Oh god, I was looking at boarding school websites on the flight back. I _am_ a bad mum.”

“Hey now, boarding schools aren’t all bad,” Dan backtracked quickly. “Some of them are quite good.”

Phil rested her hand on top of Dan’s. “You’re very sweet for trying to talk me down even after everything. I appreciate it.”

“You did the same for me.”

Phil looked at the clock on Dan’s bedside table. “It’s almost three. I should let you get to sleep.”

“Okay.”

Phil turned off the light and stepped back out into the hall. “Good night,” she said.


	7. Native

The next few months after that one late night conversation wound down considerably. Phil had taken Dan’s advice, and that of her brother-in-law, and gave up her power in Lester & Lester Pharmaceuticals. Without that huge stress on her shoulders, Phil finally found time to be with her children for the first time since they were toddlers. She was now able to watch them change from day to day rather than week to week. Phil noticed all the little nuances between her children. Athena was a fierce leader, truly a goddess, like her name sake. Ethan was artistic, fun-loving, and silly. Every moment spent with him was filled with laughter.

Even with her life winding down, Phil still maintained her own enterprise called New Native, a line of skin care products for newborns and infants. New Native was based in the notion of clean, chemical free, carcinogen free products that not only nourished the skin but did so without destroying the environment. After trying to find these kinds of products for her own children and failing, Phil decided to design her own product. With Alex’s business expertise and connections in the field, Phil was able to launch New Native successfully. As Dan knew, Mrs. Lester was well known to parents and childcare providers alike. Dan still looked up to her greatly.

Even now, when she was clearly losing it. Athena and Ethan were at school so Dan had some free time to do a little planning and tidying up. Her relationship with Mrs. Roberts had become more cordial so in response Dan tried to make the other woman’s hard easier. Dan had a handful of make-believe costumes that the twins had left out in her the crook of her right elbow when she heard a loud groan from upstairs. She threw the clothes in the costume chest and made her way upstairs from the playroom.

Moments later, Dan saw Phil pacing her office and biting her nails. “Are you okay?” she asked.

“I need investors to keep my company going. So, what do I do? Set up a new investors meeting. Good idea?”

Dan nodded her head.

“No. Bad idea! I have nothing to show them. Sales are stagnant. They want something new. I can’t think! Every idea I come up with, I realize I saw on one of those shows Mrs. Robert’s watches when she should be cleaning.”

Dan stifled a giggle at the subtle—not so subtle— dig at Mrs. Roberts’ work habits. “What have you got so far?”

Phil handed Dan a note book of chicken scratch markings.

“What is this?”

“My notes.”

“Can you even read these?”

Phil looked offended, and moved her short black hair behind her ears. Her eyes donned a fiery blue. “You’re not helping.”

“Sorry. Have you eaten today? Maybe you’re brain needs food.”

Phil replied in the negative. “I can’t eat when I’m stressed.”

“Come on. Let’s see what’s down there.”

“But—”

“I promise to help you. I don’t have kids but I know kids, and I know what they like.”

“Alright,” agreed Phil. Dan took her by the arm, soothingly murmuring words of encouragement.

—–

“What about bath time accessories? You know, like toys and stuff. Athena especially loves those.”

“Yeah, but that’s been done before.” Phil took a sip of her Ribena drink. “What hasn’t been done before?”

“Okay. You sell stuff for the newborn to toddler set.”

“Yeah?”

“What about kids? Like Athena and Ethan’s ages?”

Phil smiled. “You’re on to something. I could do something like ‘Grow with Us’. Dan, that’s brilliant! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it before.”

“I’m glad you like it!” Dan laughed. “How will you make it different?”

“Oh, I’ll so things like bubble bath and more tear-free shampoos. Maybe I’ll add some new scents. I wonder if I can produce a cruelty free towel sets, made from organic cotton. The factories I use only employ adults and give them fair wages.”

“I say you should go for it. From my own experience, these parents that go for the organic stuff, love to stick with it.”

Phil stood up with new purpose and smile on her face. “Come with me. We’re going to headquarters.”

“What about the kids? I have to get them at one.”

“Oh shoot,” Phil complained. “We need a babysitter.”

Dan couldn’t help but laugh aloud at that. “Your nanny needs a babysitter?”

“My _friend_ needs someone to cover her shift.”

Dan smiled inwardly at the thought of being Phil’s friend. It was one thing to be an employee of someone you always admired. It was another to be their confidant and source of comfort. Dan couldn’t explain it but she wanted Phil to be happy more than anything. She had watched this woman deal with so much. It was safe to say that Dan felt truly connected to her.

“Abby?” suggested Dan.

Phil pulled out her cell phone. “Perfect. And I won’t tell her that you suggested it either. There’s no need to have a tiny red head after you.”

“Bless you,” Dan joked.

—–

Athena was the first to ask—of course. “Where were you, Dan? I had so much to tell you about what Mr. Harris did in music class and Jessica’s new hamster. She brought it for show-and-tell. And—“

“I wanna tell her something!” Ethan interrupted from behind his sister.

Dan got down on their level and kissed them both on the forehead. “My apologies. I was helping your mother with something at work.”

“You were?” they both asked simultaneously.

“Yes. We were working on a super, super important project so I couldn’t come for you today. Alright?”

“No!” Athena stomped her foot. “You’re ours! Not Mummy’s.”

“Nina…” Dan admonished lovingly with the use of the little girl’s pet name. “I’m still your nanny. It was just for today.”

“Mummy’s not going to steal you away?” she asked.

Dan shook her head no. “Nothing can take me away from you two. You’re my babies.”

Satisfied, Ethan went into his backpack and pulled out a drawing he had done of the three of them. Dan promised to hang it up in her room which prompted a huge smile from the boy. Athena, however, still looked peeved.

Later that night, during their bed time story, Athena made Dan promise that her mummy couldn’t steal her. Dan did so with a kiss to the nose and tickle. She always made sure both children when to bed with a smile on their face.

—-

“’Our World’ is the next generation of New Native products for the older child,” Phil continued at the investors meeting. Dan sat to her left, present for support mostly. “It will feature bubble baths, body washes, lotions with new fragrances, tear-free shampoo and conditioner, and a varied selection of towel sets just to stars. All products will be produced with environment and our young consumers in mind like always. We, at New Native, want our products to grow with you. Our World is that bridge from toddlerhood into childhood that our families are looking for.”

The investors clapped as the last slide showed on the screen. Dan looked proudly at her boss and friend. The stockholders in the room seem pleased and impressed with the development. Dan could see Phil sigh with relief at her success.

“They’re eating it up,” Dan whispered in her ear. Phil smiled back.

“We’re going out tonight. Get out your best little black dress. We’re celebrating! Screw professionalism!”

—–

Mrs. Roberts agreed to look after the children, only after Dan promised to get them in bed and sleeping before she left. Phil was ready to go at eleven. Dan was shocked by how sexy the other woman looked when she got all dressed up for a night out. Phil had curled her hair, a style Dan had never seen, and it fit her face beautifully. She wore a short, form fitting deep purple dress with a black belt at her waist. Wearing daring black heels, Phil was dressed to kill.

“Wow, Mrs. Lester.”

“None of that tonight. I’m just…Suzy.”

“Suzy?” Dan questioned jokingly.

“Yeah. Any guy comes up to us, my name is Suzy.”

“Got it.”

“You look pretty good yourself.”

Dan blushed at the compliment. Ever since the breakup with Ava, she’s been feeling less like herself, less beautiful, and less attractive. It was sad to say that Ava was her main source of confidence when she was going through the whole art school debacle. Dan wore a tiny black dress, which with her height, looked amazing on her slender frame. She too wore heels but not nearly as bold as Phil’s. Dan figured she was tall enough.

“Thanks,” Dan said shyly.

“Oh come. There’s no way you’re this shy when you go out.”

“I’m usually pretty awkward actually.”

“Great. Then I won’t look nearly as bad,” Phil joked. With that, she hooked her arm with Dan’s. They hopped in the town car and headed downtown. Dan knew this night would be something special.

—–

They had had a few drinks but not enough to be called anything but tipsy. By the time Dan and Phil went dancing, however, Dan felt herself sobering up. Phil didn’t have the same experience. She danced her ass off, quite frankly, and was having the time of her life by the looks of it. A couple of guys had approached them both wanting to know their names and numbers. “I’m Daniella and this is… Suzy,” Dan told one tall guy who wreaked of cologne.

“Nice,” he smiled, clearly drunk. “So, you into threesomes?”

Dan rolled her eyes and took Phil’s hand to lead her way from the dance floor. She went easily, pliant as ever.

“Dan, where are we going?”

“Home.”

Dan spotted the limo and soon they were on their way home. Once inside the penthouse, Phil hung on to Dan and giggled in her ear. At twenty eight years old, Dan guessed that Phil hadn’t had much time to be free and young. She married young and had kids almost immediately.

“Time for bed,” Dan mumbled as she tried to help Phil out of her shoes.

“Dan,” Phil murmured. She took a hold of Dan’s forearm and looked her in the eyes. “You are s-such a good person. One of the best friends I ever had.” Without another word, Phil attached their lips in a kiss that lasted much longer than it should have. Phil began to fall backward onto the bedding and Dan fell with her. They stayed this way for moments before they both passed out, Phil from the alcohol and Dan from the utter shock of it all.


	8. May

There was a knock frantic knock at the door of the master suite. With a pounding headache, Phil blurrily moved across the room and flew the door open. Nurse Yvonne, a short black woman from Barbados, looked anxious. “Mrs. Lester,” she said. “Your husband’s being transported to the Royal Infirmary. The infection we mentioned earlier this week has gotten significantly worse. He just couldn’t fight it. We fear sepsis—blood poisoning.”

Immediately sobering up, Phil looked back into her bedroom, planning out how quickly should could get dressed. Unfortunately, Dan’s motionless body laid asleep on her bed and all the memories of the previous came flooding back.

“Have you called the ambulance yet?”

“Yes, they’re on their way.”

“Okay. I’m going to get dressed. If you don’t see me, go ahead without me. I’ll catch up.”

Nurse Yvonne nodded dutifully and made her way back down the hall, back to her patient. Turning back to Dan, Phil made a quick list of priorities in her head. First came Alex, then the children, then Dan.

Shaking Dan awake, Phil told her, “Alex’s sick. I’m going to hospital.”

Dan stirred awake much quicker than Phil had, having consumed much less alcohol. “What’s wrong?” asked Dan, moving her hair from her face.

“His infection’s gotten worse. The nurses can’t handle this.”

Dan shot up, feeling the need to reassure her friend. “What do you need me to do? Just ask.”

Phil simply said, “Stay with the children.”

—–

Suddenly, there was a funeral to plan. Phil hadn’t even looked at Dan since the morning Alex went into Royal.

Alex had developed an infection in his abdomen that his body couldn’t fight. He was gone by the next morning; Phil was devastated.

—–

“Athena? Athena? Are you up here? It’s time for lunch.” Dan searched for Athena all over and couldn’t find her anywhere. On the second floor, she noticed the Alex’s door was left ajar, even though she distinctly remembered pulling it shut just that morning.

Heading inside, Dan heard the soft sniffles of weeping. “Athena?” she called, pushing the door open and finding the girl sitting in the chair at her father’s bedside.

“Daddy’s gone,” she informed Dan. “I heard Mrs. Roberts say he died.”

“What do you know about death, Nina?”

“Our fish died. Jane told us that Herman went to heaven and he wouldn’t come back.”

Dan felt her heartbreak. She had been struggling to find a way to tell the twins about their father’s death and never imagined that they would have previous experiences. Dan told herself right then to stop underestimating the children. Kneeling down in front of Athena, Dan took the little girl’s hands into her own.

“Do you think Daddy’s gone to heaven too?”

Athena nodded. “But I don’t want him to go to heaven,” she admitted.

“Why not?” asked Dan.

“Because I want him here. I liked coming to see him and tell him about everything. He was a very, very good listener.”

Dan smiled at that. “You can still talk to him even though he’s in heaven.” Even though she was never religious by any means, Dan always admired the idea of souls and heaven though she couldn’t really invest in it. She was often known for being cryptic and existential.

“How?”

“The same way you did when he was here. When you’re all alone and you want to talk to him, you can just start. All you have to do is think of him and he’ll hear you. And you know what else?”

Athena looked at Dan expectantly.

“He’s now your guardian angel. He’ll protect you and look out for you the best he can.”

“Like you do?”

“Yup. But Daddy will be there when I can’t be.” Dan wiped the last vestiges of tears from Athena’s cheeks and smiled soothingly. “How are you feeling?”

“Still sad but better.”

—–

Ethan’s reaction to his father’s death was far more… explosive. Usually the more emotional of the two, Dan had expected him to cry and ask questions. She expected him to be melancholic like his sister, mother, and the rest of the staff. But Ethan got mad.

“You’re lying,” he told Dan when she sat him down.

“What makes you say that?”

“How could he die?” the now six-year old reasoned. “He never did anything. Why would he die?”

“Your dad got sick, honey. Anyone can get sick,” Dan explained. “You seem angry with me. Are you?”

“No,” Ethan spat back.

“Then who are you angry with?”

“Dad.”

“Why?”

“For dying. It’s not fair. I want a mummy and a daddy.”

“And now daddy’s gone?”

Ethan nodded.

“He didn’t do it on purpose to hurt you. He didn’t want to die. Okay?”

“I don’t want to lose anybody else,” admitted Ethan. Dan understood. In his life, there was only one person who was consistent, and that was Athena. The staff constantly turned over and his mother was hardly home. Ethan loved stability and companionship. Although Alex was never responsive, he was there consistently. Ethan appreciated that.

“Hopefully, you won’t lose anyone again. Listen, you still got mummy, Athena, and me and all the people who love you. I understand why you’re angry and sad. I also want you to know everything is going to be okay and you won’t feel this awful forever. Do you understand?”

He climbed into Dan’s lap wordlessly, laid his head on her chest, and cried.

—–

The next few months moved at a snail’s pace. Feelings of grief clouded over the entire family. The children had accepted Alex’s death as best they could and were starting to move on. Phil, was not only consumed by grief but also by guilt.

The night her husband went septic was the same night she went out with Dan. It was the night when she forgot that she was a mother and wife. That same night, she kissed Dan like she used to kiss Alex, effectively cheating on her ill husband. Although irrational, Phil believed Alex’s death was a result of her infidelity. Even though Alex developed the infection two weeks prior to the kiss, Phil made the connection because she had been mounting feelings for Dan all the while. She had tried to ignore her growing affection for her children’s nanny as simple feelings of friendship and companionship. That night, with the alcohol lowering her inhibitions, her true self emerged. And, her true self kissed Dan.

Guilt made it hard to be logical or rational. Phil was unable to look Dan in the eye since the incident. In any other circumstances, Phil would have approached Dan about what had happened and dealt with the outcome quite swiftly. But now, the guilt of her husband’s death weighed heavily on her which caused her to make a decision.

“You wanted to see me?” Dan asked softly, looking at her friend compassionately as she entered the home office.

“Yeah, have a seat.”

 _Strange_ , Dan thought. Phil was behaving professionally again. _Maybe it’s just the mask she’s wearing to hide the grief and sadness._

“Now, let me start by saying you have been the best caregiver I’ve ever hired. The children adore you and they really flourished under your care. This past year has been full of changes for all of us and you’ve been extremely helpful through it all.”

“Phil?” Dan interrupted, upon figuring out where the speech was going.

“Please, let me finish,” Phil pleaded. “With that being said, I have to inform you that I am letting you go.”

“What?!”

“I know this is a huge shock but I can’t continue this way. We’re just not as compatible as I thought. You will receive severance pay and good recommendations for your next step.”

“Fuck you. I’m not leaving.”

“Excuse me?”

“I know what’s going on here.”

“And what is that exactly?”

“You kiss me and I’m getting fired? How fucked up is that?”

“I was drunk.”

“Yeah, and?”

“I couldn’t control myself.”

“Exactly, Phil! You always wanted to kiss me and the drinks sure you couldn’t hide it any longer. So basically, you’re firing me because you fancy me?”

“I do not fancy you!” Phil shouted by incredulously. “How dare you even insinuate that I would cheat on my husband! He just passed away. Why are you being so cruel?”

“Cut the crap. I refuse to leave those kids until you find a decent nanny. I don’t want to move out just to move back in the next day… again.”

“You do not tell me how to run my household!”

“But I can raise your kids?”

“Oh, is that some dig about my parenting?”

“What parenting?” Dan shot back.

“Dan, I’m not going to argue with you. I’ll have you removed from the property.”

“This is bullocks!” Dan shouted. “Those kids need me. They tell me everything. They know that I’m there for them. I can’t leave them just because you can’t deal with your feelings for me.”

“What feelings? I’m not even gay.”

“No one ever said you were, Phil.”

“I’m not bisexual or whatever they’re calling it these days.”

Dan got up from her seat across the desk and walked around to Phil’s side. She placed both hands on the arms of the chair, leaning over. She looked Phil dead in the eye. “I know you like me. I know you love me, even just as a friend. Admit it.”

“What are you doing?” Phil asked, getting more and more flustered from the confrontation and Dan’s proximity to her.

“Say it,” Dan demanded in a whisper. Phil looked up at the younger woman, noticing her long eye lashes and charmingly chapped lips. Dan had a dusting of freckles all over her sun-kissed face. And those damn dimples…

“I—I shouldn’t…”

“It’s okay,” Dan told her maintaining eye-contact. “I like you, Phil.”

“I like you too.”

Dan let out a breathy laugh. “We sound like preteens or something.”

“Yeah.”

“Can I kiss you, Phil?”

It took no time for Phil to nod yes. Dan lips met hers for the first time in three months. She wondered why she had waited so long.


	9. Maternity

_Five years later…_

Dan never felt comfortable entering the head office at Athena’s school. The place wreaked of old money and prejudice. The secretary looked at her disdainfully the entire time she sat there waiting.

“Ms. Howell,” Headmistress Barnes called out faintly from down the passageway. Dan stood up and gave the secretary a dirty look before heading into the office.

“Please have a seat, Ms. Howell. Then we can begin.” The other women looked the part of an old school headmistress. Her high cheeks bone were accentuated by a severe bun atop her head. The wire framed glasses were perfect. She wore elegant yet understated jewelry. Barnes sat in her overpriced office chair with her head held high and back straight. Dan wanted to curl up in a ball. This woman was terrifying.

Dan nodded shortly, feeling that same tightness in her chest that she had whenever she was in trouble at school.

“Athena, has develop quite an extensive vocabulary and she made it known to me and her Latin teacher.”

Dan’s heart dropped. “What did she say?”

“I quote: ‘You are a tired old hag with a cunt to match’.”

Dan’s eyes widened. Her little Athena couldn’t have made this up herself. “Are you sure it was those exact words?”

“I wasn’t at first so I had her write them down,” Barnes sliding forth a piece of paper with Athena’s delicate handwriting displayed. “She’s an adept speller as well.”

“I am so sorry.” Dan failed to tell her that Athena probably overheard Dan saying these words to Phil one night a few weeks ago. Shit… She thought she locked the door.

“As you know the Bethesda School of Girls has very low tolerance for such language and disrespect. Along with her past discrepancies, I’m afraid that we will have to expel her. I will give you the option of withdrawing her before this goes on record. You have a week to do so.”

Barnes handed Dan a withdrawal form. There was no away Athena was getting out of this one.

—-

“…so much trouble.”

“I hate that school. I did what I had to do.”

“Mum’s gonna be so mad.”

“I don’t care what she says. I told her I hated it there and she didn’t listen.”

Athena’s voice was dripped in hate. Dan listened from the foyer before entering the family room of their house. After living together for four years, Phil proposed going to court and making it all official. Dan couldn’t say yes faster enough. Since then, they all moved out of the penthouse in favor of a suburban lifestyle. Dan thought it would better for raising a family and Phil agreed. They were partners in life so Dan became the doting mother of two preteens.

Dan cleared her throat as she stood in the entry way to the family room. Ethan looked up first and smiled. “Hi, Mum.”

“Hello,” Dan said to him, though she was glaring at Athena. The girl had enough sense to look guilty. “Why are you still in your uniform, E? Go upstairs and change.”

“That means you’re going to get it,” Ethan snickered as he left the room.

Dan sat down on the sofa and patted the space next to her. Athena dutifully followed her direction.

“Your mother’s going to be very disappointed in you. I am.”

“I don’t care what she thinks.”

“What about me?”

“Oh Mum… you understand, don’t you? Those girls were awful to me and the teachers hated me.”

“You didn’t have to get yourself expelled though. You could have come talk to me.”

The eleven year old pouted much in the same way she did as a preschooler. “You listen to me but you always do what mum says.”

“Your mother’s away right now. I would have convinced her to change your school the moment she got back.”

“Why couldn’t you do it on your own?”

“We’re married. We have to agree on things before we do them. And, you’re her little girl. She has every right to be a part of decisions.”

“She’s never here!” Athena shouted. “You’re my mother more than she is!”

“That isn’t true. Lower your voice this instant.”

Athena looked to be on the verge of tears. “You know it’s true.”

Dan knew all too well. While the children were feeling Phil’s absence, she felt it too. As the children got older, Phil started taking on more responsibilities in her company. She was hardly home, reminiscent of the early days, when Alex was still alive.

“I’m withdrawing you. We’ll have to search for a new school over the summer. There’s no point in starting somewhere new when it’s almost holiday.”

Athena smiled.

“Don’t think you’re getting off easy. You will be homeschooled from now and through the summer. Ethan’s going on holiday with his friend then going to camp. You will be here, catching up on the school you’re missing.”

“Mum!” Athena shouted in shock. “You can’t do that! I have stuff to do too.”

“Not anymore.”

“This is bullshit! I get bullied and then punished?!”

Dan crossed her arms and looked at her daughter skeptically. “From what I heard, you were the bully.”

Athena scoffed but didn’t deny the claim at all. “I just wanted to go to school with Ethan. Why did you have to split us up?”

“Your mother read that twins need to develop their own identities.”

“Shows how much she knows,” the girl muttered. “I had no friends at Bethesda.”

Dan left to phone Phil, leaving Athena sulking on her own.

—–

“Happy Mother’s Day!” the twins greeted Mrs. Howell at the door.

“Thank you, babies!” the older woman gushed, kissing the children on the cheeks and foreheads.

Mrs. Howell moved to let them inside the house. She was hosting a rather large lunch for Mother’s Day. Her mother, sisters and sister-in-law were all in attendance as well as their children.

“Hi, Mum,” Dan smiled uneasily, pulling Phil into the house.

“Hello, Daniella… Phil.”

“Happy Mother’s Day.”

“Same to you, Phil.”

Dan hadn’t missed the passive aggressive omission of Dan’s name. Her mother had never accepted their marriage. She thought it was some sort of trap. Phil was much older than Dan and somehow trapped in a marriage and motherhood she wasn’t ready for. She was also mad about being cheated out of a wedding for her only daughter. Dan thought otherwise and the two fought constantly.

Phil kissed Dan’s temple when her mother turned away in reassurance. “You are their mother,” she said.

—-

“What did you get for mother’s day?” Dan’s cousin, Ashley, asked Phil.

Phil showed her a gorgeous tennis bracelet the children had picked out weeks ago.

“Wow,” Ashley swooned. “My husband just kissed me on the cheek this morning.”

Phil laughed, having bonded with Ashley in the past few years. “Dan, show her what you got.”

Dan moved her hair away for her ears, displaying elegant diamond encrusted stud earrings. “Not fair!” Ashley cried. “They’re gorgeous.”

“Phil has amazing taste,” Dan blushed.

Mrs. Howell rolled her eyes. “Some of us went through months of pregnancy and hours of labor to have our children but we don’t get earrings that could pay off a mortgage.”

“Sharon!” Dan’s aunt, Jillian chastised her younger sister.

“What? Daniella is not a mother. She’s just shacking up with her employer and raising her kids. She should be out having fun, meeting new people. This whole thing doesn’t make any sense.”

“What makes a mother?” Dan asked, fighting tears. “When my kids are sick, I nurse them back to health. When they need a plaster, I always have one. I make sure they are fed, happy, and healthy. They come to me when they are scared or mad. We don’t share blood, but they know I love them with everything in me. That is a lot more than I can say for you right now.”

The table was silent as Dan excused herself and Phil followed behind upstairs, into Dan’s old bedroom. “Why does she hate me?” Dan sobbed.

“She doesn’t hate you. She wants more for you. More than some middle aged lover. She wants you to experience more in life.”

Dan looked up into Phil’s eyes. “I don’t want anything else.”

“Shush. I think about it too sometimes. You’re so young and I’ve taken away your youth. People your age are just starting to settle down but you already have two preteens.”

“I love that I have them. When I first started working for you, I had no clue what I wanted to do or where I wanted to end up. But I’m thankful every day that I’m here with you. You’re not too old for me. The wealth is a plus too.”

Phil gasped, laughing, “I love you too,” before bringing Dan’s fingers to her lips and kissing them. “Happy Mother’s Day, Dan.”

“Happy Mother’s Day, Phil.”


	10. Petition

She was only twenty eight. Dan was only twenty eight and she was dying—that’s what it sounded like. “I’ve never seen cancer move so quickly,” her gynecologist told. “We’ll have to start treatment on Monday. You have a few options for how you could proceed. Do you have any questions right now?”

Dan shook her head no. Phil was in Ireland, coming home tonight. They were supposed to go out for dinner and dancing. She had a romantic evening all planned out.

“How do I tell my wife that I have…?” She couldn’t even say it.

“Is she in the waiting room? Maybe, I can help you,” Dr. Gina said.

“No. She’s traveling for business, and coming home tonight. ”

“I can give you my mobile number. I don’t usually do this but I think you might need to call me tonight. I can explain it so you don’t have to.”

She couldn’t even say the C-word, much less explain what was going on in her body. Dan looked at her gratefully.

“You’ll beat this,” Dr. Gina proclaimed knowingly.

—-

Phil’s flight was delayed. Mrs. Roberts accidently burned dinner. Athena was in a mood. Dan went to bed without telling a single soul what she had been told earlier that day. Life went on as normal, even though she felt the world crashing down around her.

Phil came in late that night, around midnight. Dan heard her but said nothing, pretending to be asleep. She heard the sound of fabric moving against fabric and the drawers opening and shutting in the still night.  

The bed dipped, Phil came to cuddle her wife from behind. She slid her arm over Dan’s waist and pulled her close.   
Dan pushed her way, leaving Phil a bit hurt. “Dee?” Phil asked in a whisper, using the nickname only she used.

“What?” Dan bit back.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Yes.”

Phil sighed. “What did I do?”

“You’re never here,” answered Dan. “You’re never fucking here.”

“Where is this coming from?”

“This has been building up for the past six months, Phil.”

“What do you expect me to do? Not conduct my business?”

“You need to think about what’s important! Me and the kids, or your business.”

“Did something happen today?”

“No! Don’t patronize me. I have every right to be upset. I don’t even remember the last time we went out, just us. Did you know Athena no longer calls you ‘Mum’? She just refers to you as ‘That Woman’. Ethan needed information about his family tree the other night but he had to use my family and not his own. You are not here!”

Phil stood up off the bed and turned on the light, staring Dan down. “Okay. I see your point. I’m trying my best. I didn’t know you were hurting this bad.”

“I need you to cut down on how much you do.”

“I will,” promised Phil, though her workaholic ways suggested otherwise.

“I mean it.” Dan took a deep breath. “I’m starting radiation therapy on Monday. I need you here with me.”

There was no sound out of either one of them for a few minutes. The color had drained from Phil’s face. She noticed that Dan’s face was covered in streaks of tears long gone.

“You could have called me.”

“Yeah, okay. Hi, Phil? Just wanted to let you know that I have a super aggressive form of cancer. It could kill me.  See you in a few days. Bring me something cool.”

Phil couldn’t look at her. She played with her bracelet instead. “Do you have to be sarcastic right now?”

“I’ve already gone though anger and sadness. Sarcasm seemed logical,” Dan retorted.

“What type is it?”

“It started as cervical but it has spread to the other reproductive organs.”

“Already?”

Dan nodded. “My last visit showed nothing but now…”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” Phil told her finally.

“Do you think I’ll be okay?” Dan’s voice had gone high pitched. She was afraid. Who wouldn’t be?

Phil turned to face her wife. “I’m going to get the best doctors in the world to treat you. You’ll be better in no time.”

“It’s bad, Phil.”

“I know but you’ll be okay.” Phil turned off the light and slipped into bed. She held Dan all night, the heaving feeling of guilt in her chest. She wouldn’t leave Dan’s side, she decided. She wasn’t going to lose anyone else she loved.

—-

Phil never broke her promises. The best doctors were flown in from various regions of the world to treat Dan’s cancer. They all said the same thing. She would need to remove everything. Dan was scheduled for a total hysterectomy immediately.

The day of the surgery, Phil had Mrs. Howell pay her daughter a visit because of what could happen. She knew that if something happened to Dan, Mrs. Howell would be wracked with painful guilt. After all, Phil was a mother too—she and her daughter didn’t get along that well either.

“I’m sorry.”

Dan’s eye opened weakly, the medication making her sleepy for surgery. “For what?”

“Saying you weren’t a mother. You are.”

“You were just looking out for me. But, I’ll never have babies of my own now.”

“I know. I’m glad you have Ethan and Athena. They are your babies, Daniella. You raised them. You’re a good mother. They’re beautiful just like their mum.”

Dan squeezed her mother’s hand. “Thanks. Is daddy coming?”

“He’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

—–

_One year later…_

Athena was giggling up a storm in Dan’s room. “Mum, sit still,” she whined.

“Don’t make me ugly, Nina.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

Phil walked into their bedroom and smiled warmly. “It looks good on you.”

Dan now donned a wig that matched her typical style. After the surgery last year, she had to do chemo and radiation therapy, which resulted in hair loss. The wig was her first step back to normalcy.

“The makeup could use little thinning out.”

Athena rolled her eyes. “It’s not that bad.”

Phil grabbed the hand mirror from their bureau and handed it to Dan who grinned at the sight of herself. She kissed Athena on the cheek and gave her a thank you.

“I’ll be back later to show you my latest project,” the girl told her. Throughout her treatment, Athena became very close to Dan. Whenever ever she could, Athena sat by Dan’s bedside, keeping her company and telling her about the day’s events. Phil had noticed a mark reduction in Athena’s behavioral issues as well, though Athena still refused to call her mum.

Phil sat down on the bed and soon as Athena was gone, she asked, “What do you really think?”

“I look like my twelve year old did my makeup. I love it.”

“How do you feel today?”

“Very good. It’s great to be in remission.”

“I bet,” Phil agreed. “I have a surprise for you. You have to close your eyes.” Dan did as she was told. Phil walked back out into the hallway to get the folder she had left on the coffee table.

She opened the portfolio and laid it on Dan’s lap so she could read them.

“Open your eyes.”

Dan looked down and read the header aloud. “Petition for adoption?”

“They’re adoption papers for Ethan Alexander and Athena Catherine to be adopted by Daniella Jane Howell.”

Dan brought her hand up to her mouth in shock. Her eyes became wet with tears of happiness.

“I’d love to adopt them. Do they know?”

“They asked for it, actually. They made a pretty convincing argument too. ‘You’re already married to her so why not.’”

Dan bubbled with laughter.

“They thought it would be an excellent way to celebrate your beating the cancer. They’re very proud to call you their mother.”

“My kids are so thoughtful.”

“Just like their mum,” Phil added, pressing her lips to Dan’s.

 

Author’s Note: My beta pointed out that this chapter moved very quickly so I wanted to make a few things clear.  Dan’s cervical cancer is a metaphor for her resistance to having a family at the beginning of the story. She always said ‘I’m never having kids’ and she ends up getting a disease that effectively makes sure that never happens. However, she does have a family anyway. l thought it would show that even the worst things aren’t that bad in the end. Dan cannot be a birth mother but she is beloved just the same. Phil was a natural mother but she still struggles. Also, Phil has been taking Dan for granted through this entire story. She fires her. and tries to fire her again. This tragic diagnosis does bring her back home to see what was truly important, her family. Those last two chapters did end very quickly but Im starting to think I just dont have the patience for long drawn out stories anymore. this is my longest in a while. But in the end, they’re still a family.


	11. Epilogue

_Five years later…._

“You have lesbian moms?”

“No,” Ethan said, not getting angry… yet. Sebastian was his lab partner and so they had to meet up outside of school to get all the work done. Everyone at school knew that the Lester twins had two mums so he didn’t understand why Sebastian was asking. “Only one of them identifies as lesbian.”

“They’re married and everything?”

“Yup.”

“Wicked.”

“Let’s get started,” Ethan lead Sebastian into the kitchen figuring no one would bother them there. He really didn’t want this guy in his bedroom at all.

However, Dan was sat atop the center island while Phil’s mouth made bruises all over her bare chest and shoulders.

“Mum!” Ethan shouted, making the two women jump.

“You’re home early,” Phil said, face flushed red.

“No, I’m not. It’s 2:30! Is this what you do when we’re not home?”

“We watch the telly sometimes,” Dan mumbled sarcastically, closing up her blouse.

Sebastian grinned at the sight of the two attractive women who were going at it in the kitchen. “Come on,” Ethan told him. “Let’s go in the other room.” Sebastian followed him reluctantly.

“Mate, your mums are well fit.”

“Shut up.” Ethan smiled to himself though. Dan would be happy to hear that she was still considered ‘well fit’.

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr  
> [danni-howell](https://danni-howell.tumblr.com/)


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